Re: Black Neon Location Scouting
Location Report for a Fictional Low Budget Action Movie
To: frankie@blackxxxxxngneon.com
From: eric@radixxxxxxnes.com.vn
Location: Mui Ne, Vietnam is situated roughly halfway between the commercial hub Saigon and the large southern coastal city Nha Trang. Mui Ne is a traditional fishing village that, through mysterious means, has transformed into a luxurious resort town clustered around a cove on the South China Sea. Involvement of the Russian mafia is suspected.
Black Neon Prospects: Frankie, buddy, I’m not sure if Mui Ne is really gonna be the right fit for Black Neon. We’re pitching this as “Apocalypse Now on a handi-cam,” right? The vibe I’m getting here is more like that Cronenberg flick… wtf was it called… the one were Viggo Mortensen was fighting with his schlong hanging out the whole time? Like that. Not to say I don’t see potential here, cause I do. I mean, when we talk about Black Neon, we’re not talking about some fucking one-off flash-in-the-pan bullshit. We’re talking about a franchise here, bro. Black Neon as far as the eye can see: DVDs, action figures, Black Neon lingerie, glow-in-the-dark lube, Frankie. You’re at the helm of a luxury liner filled with gold my friend. Sure it’s a bitch to steer, but it’s got a shit ton of gold in it! Point being, Mui Ne for Black Neon, maybe not. Mui Ne for Black Neon 2, most fucking definitely.
Early Concept for Black Neon 2: Death Massage:
This place is crawling with Russians, Frankie. Some zaftig blonde bitch just asked me for a light… in Russian. I’m a white guy in Vietnam, I speak Russian all of a sudden? I guess maybe if we’re talking about the commie thing, long ago allies, but that’s old news baby, when do you ever hear about that anymore? Still, everybody in the restaurant I’m in right now – Iron fucking Curtain, bro. Not to stereotype here, but think of the word “Russian.” Got it? Now what do you automatically put with that word? Vodka, maybe. Dolls, sure. Ballet, ok. Epic fucking novels, yeah yeah. What else? Mafia, Frankie, fucking mafia. Organized crime.
Like every other town in Southeast Asia, Mui Ne is crawling with massage joints. But the strange thing I’ve noticed here is behind the desk at all these places some fucking tsarina is checking her Instagram. Weird right? I know we’re thinking the baddies in Black Neon are Nigerian gangsters. African soccer players getting hustled to Saigon with dreams of the big payday and instead getting a big stiff one and turning to a life of crime. Love it brother. But hear me out: Black Neon 2 is the Russian mob. The Russian mob is taking over the rub and tug joints in Vietnam! God knows what else! The possibilities man, think of the possibilities.
Check this out, the Russian mob has set up in Mui Ne to smuggle hot Viet chicks to Moscow, or maybe they are laying out a retirement home for washed up Ukranian whores. Whatever. Point is, our hero, Ron Dommage, hardcore motherfucker numero uno and international killer for hire, is fresh off Black Neon when he ices the Nigerian drug lord in Phnom Penh, barely escapes with his life, and decides to take some R & R with his chick. Maybe she suggests Mui Ne. They go. BAM! Black Neon 2: Death Massage. Do you love it? I know you do.
Not to say this trip has been a total wash. You know how we were talking about finding a Filipino band for the score to Black Neon? Done. Saw The Essence Band in the bar of the Novela Muine last night over a couple G & Ts. They’re perfect bro—and the one chick is pretty cute. Remember that song from Commando, the Schwarzenegger flick? The one when he’s getting ready to fuck up some bad dudes and rescue his daughter? “I am a mountain, surrounded by your love, You are a mountain that dreams are made of, We fight for love! We fight for love!” Badass tune, right? Think that, but with a little more urban flavor. The Essence Band would be all over that shit, I swear. I got a quick vid of them playing George Michael’s “Careless Whisper.” Take a listen bro, they totally nailed it.
Alright Frankie, I’ll be back in Saigon in a couple weeks. Sip on this strong brew and let me know what you think. I’m raring to take a look at those dailies. Stay strong, brother. Peace.
whisper.mpeg